Letting people down

I mentioned in my last post that we spent last week working on college applications, and it was way more time-consuming than expected. So much so that I missed a dentist's appointment, and forgot to return my library books. Luckily for me, the dentist knows the family quite well, and it's the first time I've done it. As for the library books, well, I'm sure the fine will be put to good use.

There was something else that I forgot last week though, something that wasn't quite so easy to fix. I've been trying to write about this for the past few days but it's been really difficult. Back in December I volunteered to do something for someone, something that was supposed to happen this week. I received a confirmation email before Christmas, with the instructions that I should contact the person a week before I was going to help out, with some specific details. You know what I'm going to say. It completely slipped my mind. I emailed her last Friday in a real panic, apologising and asking if there was anything I could do to fix things but got no reply. I'm not really surprised. I let her down. Sorry to be so vague about what the favour was, but I don't want to mention anyone else's name. It was to do with blogging though.

I've felt bad about this all week, and it made me realise that I really need to get my act together. It's fine when my lack of planning and organisation mean I mess something else up for myself, but when it affects other people, I need to change things.

So here's where I make myself accountable. I will not agree to, or offer to do, anything else without making absolutely sure that I have the time to do it, and that I have the mechanics in place to remind me. If I win a book, I will not offer to review it until I've read it and am happy to do so. 'I'll review it sometime' is not an acceptable reply to give to someone. Also, I won't then put myself in the position of having agreed to review a book that I don't feel positive about. If you mention your new book and I say 'it's going on my list', I mean that, (I always have), but being on my list does not necessarily mean that I will be able to buy it in the immediate future, it means that when my circumstances change, yours will be one of the books that I want to get hold of. If I agree to host you on a blog tour, or otherwise do anything blogging-related, know that I will not let you down. If I'm not sure I can fulfil what you've asked for, then I won't make the offer. 

I hate the way I'm feeling right now, I don't want to let anyone down again.

Insecure Writer's Support Group 4

 I can't believe that this month's meeting of The Insecure Writer's Group is here already. You know you're getting old when time flies, whether you're having fun or not! If I haven't read your post yet, I'll catch up with you this week.

For Christmas, as part of a lovely blogfest, (a sort of creative 'Secret Santa'), I wrote a story for someone. I tailored this story specifically to her and her blog. Most people taking part in the SantaFest didn't know who their gifts were from. My recipient did, as she was the organiser, delivering all the gifts, so there was no way for her not to know who had sent hers to her. I didn't have a problem with that. Although the story was a simple little thing, I was pleased with it, and it was a nice way of thanking her for her friendship.

A few days later my friend posted the story on her blog. I was really flattered, as I'm pretty sure that meant she liked it. She didn't say who had written it, but offered me a chance to 'out' myself in the comments. I couldn't do it. Nobody said anything mean about the story, the comments were good ones, but I just couldn't bring myself to admit that I was the writer. I thought after I had sent my first draft to another blogger before Christmas for a critique, that I was over this. It seems, however, that I have progressed only as far as letting one person see my work. I know every little helps, but I really need to get over this ridiculous fear of letting people see what I write, or I'm never going to get anywhere.

Did any of you have this problem in the beginning? What's the best way to get over it? I don't know what the problem is, it isn't even that I'm worried about criticism. The environment I'm in right now, us, is such that I know any criticism would be useful and kindly worded. Any advice would be gratefully received!

It's a good job other people have great ideas

You know what is supposed to be here? My entry for Heather's competition* over at My Demon Spirits. In fact, I had planned to post it last Monday. However, you can't post what isn't written, and right now I've got nothing. Instead, I bring you a couple of public service announcements.

*The deadline mentioned in this post is 19th December, but Heather has kindly extended it to 31st December.

I'm pretty sure that you're all following SB Jones Publishing but, just in case you didn't realise, he released Guardian, the second novel in his Eternal Gateway trilogy, on December 15^th. Go here to see how you can tweet to be in with a chance to win a copy until December 30^th. Don't worry if you haven't read Requiem, the first in the series. SB is offering everyone a free ecopy from Amazon, also until December 30^th. You can download it for the Kindle, or for the Kindle app (if, like me, you still haven't got a real Kindle and you're pretending that your pc is an ereader).

This is a link toAmazon USA

This is a link toAmazon UK

Have you got a romantic 'short' just looking for the right home? Jami Gold on her Paranormal Author blog is offering a great chance for writers. I'll let her explain it herself, as she did in her post here:

Several editors from Entangled Publishing will be visiting my blog in the second week of January to take pitches for shorter length works.  They’re interested in stories with strong romantic elements that end in a “happily ever after” or a “happily for now.”  They’re looking for stories in the 10-60K word range and are open to many genres:

• Contemporary
• Historical
• Romantic Thrillers
• Science Fiction, Dystopian, Steampunk
• Paranormal and Urban Fantasy
• Fantasy

If you have stories already completed that would fit those guidelines, get them polished.  If you have ideas along those lines or if you’ve thought about attempting a short story, get writing.  (Another great thing about short stories is they’re quick to write and revise.)

The editors have promised they’ll make at least one request from those who pitch on my blog, and for the pitch that excites them the most, they’ll offer detailed feedback.

So, if this sounds like something you might be interested in, check out Jami's blog before January 10^th and make sure you get your chance to pitch. Good luck!

In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be here in the corner trying to turn a vague idea into a 500 word story.

Deja Vu Blogfest

This week's Musical Stories will be posted tonight, but today you get an extra post. This is my contribution to the Deja Vu blogfest. Click here for details.

I chose this post because I've decided that I might start entering competitions next year. This is my reminder of what not to do. Yes, this post is absolutely true. It's the story of my one and only entry to a writing comptetion :-)

First posted May 4 2011

How not to win a writing competition

20 easy steps to guarantee failure

1. Find out about a competition ten days before the closing date and convince yourself that you can produce something of a high enough standard to enter, even though you rarely write short stories because you have trouble with the 'short' part.

2. Spend the next five days writing your story, even though you're not one hundred percent sure that you've managed to interpret one of the required elements correctly. Edit and re-edit until you've made it as tight as you possibly can.

3. Congratulate yourself on being 1000 words below the required maximum word length.

4. Re-read the rules and discover that you're 1500 words over the maximum word length.

5. Spend four days trying to reduce the word-count without destroying the original story.

6. Read the finished story immediately because you don't have time to let it sit like you'd planned.
Realise that you now have something so flat that it reads like an example on a 'how not to write' blog.

7. Read it to your beloved partner, even though he has a history of sending you back to the drawing board, because you need another opinion and he's the only one around.

8. Listen to, and agree with, his suggestions which involve you going back to the drawing board.

9. Struggle with writing a new opening. Write a rubbish one for now just so you can continue. Realise 1000 words into your new effort that you're boring yourself. Screw up latest effort and throw it across the room.

10. Go to bed.

11. Wake up the day before the competition deadline determined to get this right. Spend the day making some progress, realise that you're going to be working late into the night.

12. Spend the evening watching DVDs with your daughters because they came home a day early after being away for a week and they want to spend time with you. Go to bed late.

13. Set your alarm clock for 9am. Dream that your competition entry should have been posted instead of submitted online so that when your alarm goes off you think you've missed the deadline. Go back to sleep.

14. Jump out of bed in a panic at 10.30am, realise that you have no time to finish your rewrite.

15. Have a quick read through of your original entry. Decide that it would sound better in present tense. Rewrite and do a quick spell check. Realise you have 15 minutes to deadline, so submit story without even a read through.

16. Be too ashamed to even read it back once it's been submitted as you know there are formatting errors, and probably a ton of typos and it's too late to do anything about it.

17. Resolve never ever to submit anything to a competition again that you are not proud of, and thank the writing deity of your choice that no-one, except the judges, will ever know what you did.

18. Hope that the judges of a competition for a TV station will never judge any other writing competitions and be glad that you don't have an unusual name that would stick in a judge's mind.

19. Make a note to check the competition website on June 1st to read the three that did actually make the short-list.

20. Go and work on your novel.

Stupid Comments

If you're looking for this week's musical stories, it's here, but you can't comment on it. Too many people were unable to comment on my posts so, much as I loved the comment system I was using, I uninstalled it. In doing so, I lost all comments since 16th September. I don't know how I messed it up, and I'm really upset about it but from now on there shouldn't be any problems.

New goal and own goal

Kate Ellison of the blog Southern Scrawl has changed her name to Kate Avery Ellison. She's also got a book available on Kindle from Amazon. Congratulations to her on the publication of Once Upon a Beanstalk. There's another Kate Ellison. This Kate has a book, The Butterfly Clues, due out next year. If anybody knows this second Kate Ellison, could you please point her in the direction of Southern Scrawl so Kate Avery Ellison can forward the lovely emails she's been getting for her?

The girls go back to school tomorrow. The beginning of September has always been my New Year, the time when I make plans and set goals. This year is going to be slightly different in that the only goals I'm going to set are writing ones. I'm posting one of them here in the hope that I might work on that procrastination habit of mine, and hold myself accountable. Well, anything's worth trying, right?

The big goal, then, is to stop faffing about. A few words written here and there followed by deletion, is no good to anyone. I can tell myself it's okay, it happens to everyone. Or I can realise that aiming to one day be a professional writer means behaving in a professional manner. This is why I've ripped the guts out of my current wip and am, to all intents and purposes, starting again. My big goal then, is to have the first draft of this story finished by the end of October. I have other opportunities that I won't be able to take advantage of if I don't do this properly. Playtime is over and the new term has started.

Talking of procrastination, here's what can happen when you suffer from it. Today is a perfect day to tell you this story as it was the final day of the football (soccer) transfer window. (Mixed fortunes for my team). Readers who have been around for a while may remember this post. For those who don't want to read it, it tells of an idea I wrote down in my early teens that later turned up as much of the plot line in the film Sleeping with the Enemy. It happens of course, there's no such thing as an original idea. To be fair, at the time I wasn't ready to write any novel, let alone that one.

It was a different matter last Summer. That's when I first began to think seriously about trying to write a novel. I thought about the old old adage 'write about what you know', and this is the outline I came up with:

Summer is 15. She has supported Liverpool FC all of her life, it's something she shares with her dad. She's never seen them play live as they live on the other side of the country. Her father gets tickets to the 2005 Champions League final to be held in Istanbul, Turkey.* Dad dies a few weeks before the match and Summer decides to run away to Europe to watch the match, taking her father's ashes with her. The story will end with her walking into the stadium at the start of the match.

There were a lot of notes, but that was the basic premise. I love Liverpool FC and I was really excited about this idea, but then that nasty little voice crept in. The one that told me it was a stupid idea, that boys wouldn't read a book about a girl, and girls wouldn't read a book 'about football'. I should have written it anyway, because it was the story I wanted to tell. Instead I wrote something else, that turned out to be a novella rather than a novel.

A few days ago, whilst struggling with the current wip I decided to make some more notes for my football tale. Whilst doing research I found this story (and how did I miss this back in May?) Again, for those who don't want to read it, it's a news story discussing an upcoming film about a boy who runs away to Istanbul to watch the 2005 Champions League Final in memory of his dead father. If there's something you really want to write, just write it. Before somebody else does.

*This final is widely held to be the best ever in the history of the competition. Liverpool, the underdogs, were 3-0 down at half time. Nobody had ever come back to win from that deficit in this competition, much less against AC Milan. They finished the match 3-3, then Liverpool won the championship 3-2 on penalties.

Saving it for later

As I've mentioned before, I'm currently unemployed. I also don't have much of a social life. The second is a direct result of the first, I think. (Don't feel sad for me by the way, the world is a scary place and I like it at home!) The up side of this of course is that I have plenty of free time. You would think that means I'm on top of everything, right? You would think.

Phil, at A Time to Phil, had a great post today about my problem. He calls it SIFS, save it for Sundays. Being at home all day I don't have to wait until Sunday, I just SIFL (which sounds even more like a slang name for a nasty disease than Phil's does, but never mind). I save it for later.

The girls come home with a letter from school that needs to be signed and returned. I read the letter. Then instead of signing it with the pen that's RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, I put it on the table to deal with later. I read junk mail, and instead of dropping it straight into the recycling box in the hallway, I put it on the table to deal with later. Nothing ever gets done now. I need a check up at the dentist? Instead of calling them when I think of it, I make a note to ring them later.

Everything gets done, eventually, but why do I do this? Why do I wait until I have five different phone calls to make? Or until there's a pile of paper on the table that's starting to resemble that famous Italian edifice? I even, sort of, do it with my writing. When I started MYWYN I was determined to write 1k words a day. It didn't happen. Sure, there were other reasons, but if I'd managed my time properly I could have done it. I don't beat myself up about it because I can write 4 or 5k at a time in a decent session, which is usually every couple of days. I tell myself that's my preferred working method but I can't help thinking about how much more I could do if I could just make myself sit down and do that every day.

None of this is a problem at the moment, but sooner or later (I hope) someone will actually employ me, and maybe one day someone will even be interested in one of my books. If either – or both – of those things happen, I'd better get myself organised. I use google calendar and I make lists, but there's no cure for procrastination – except getting my ass into gear!

Thanks Phil, for giving me the idea for this post

Advice to my selves

We've had some heavy discussions here lately so, in the interests of lightening the mood a little, I thought I'd give you a little giggle at some of the not-so-smart things I've done in my life!

A long time ago I had another blog. It didn't last very long as a few weeks after starting it I lost computer access for a long time. By the time I got it back, other things had taken over. There were a few entries in it that I quite liked, and I thought I'd share this one from August 2008. I've only added one piece of advice since then. So tell me, what advice would you give to your younger selves?

Age seven – Do not carry on a shouted conversation from the toilet in your classroom to the kid in the toilet in the adjoining classroom, especially when you tell a pack of lies about how you are the new girl from America when A. you have been at the school for a year, and B. you have a totally English accent. When you exit the toilet you will discover that the entire class, including the teacher, has been listening to every word. They will all laugh, and you will cry.

Age ten – When you are asked if you have any doubts about the family that are going to foster you, be honest. If you lie to avoid hurting anyone's feelings then both you and the family are going to be stuck with each other for seven long years.

Age twelve – When you are told that there is a place at Grammar school for you so you will be able to get higher qualifications and go to university at eighteen, but you will have to start working to your potential, do not tell the headmaster that 'what you see is what you get'. You will stay in a school that is due to close the year after you leave which means everyone, including the teachers, stops trying and you will leave at sixteen having never worked to that potential.

Age seventeen – When you go to college to get the qualifications that you should have got at school, so you can still go to university, do not spend the first year of the two year course in the pub. This will lead you to fail your end of year exams and you will not be allowed to return. You will then end up in a 'safe' utterly dull job instead of doing what you really want to do.

Age nineteen – Learn to control your eating habits. When you stuff all that crap into your mouth and people ask how you manage to stay so slim, do not reply casually 'yeah I know, one day I'm gonna wake up fat'. Because one day you will.

Age twenty – When your parents tell you they are emigrating and taking your eighteen year old brother with them, don't let pride stand in the way of telling them you want to come too. They only didn't ask because they didn't think you'd be interested.

Age twenty-two – When your friend tries to set you up on a date and you tell her you can't possibly go out with someone named N****, listen to your instincts. Run fast and far from this man.*

Age twenty-six – When you are 32 weeks pregnant with twins, do not wish you were no longer the size of a small block of flats. Because when the babies are born 8 weeks early you will spend 3 weeks watching them in hospital thinking it was your fault.

Age thirty – When you move to the other side of the country and you are secretly relieved when your husband tells you at the last minute that he's not coming, so you'll only see him for four days out of every fourteen, listen to the warning bells. Something is wrong here.

Age thirty-two – When you decide after a year at university that actually social work isn't for you, try to pick a more useful degree course to transfer to than sociology/applied psychology. Sure, it's fun, but it won't get you a job.

Age thirty-five – When you lose lots of weight and look great after becoming a single mum, check your graduation outfit before the day itself. That way your Mother won't have to pin your shirt to your trousers so they don't fall down.

Age thirty-six – When you meet the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, talk more about whether you should live with him or he should live with you. They have good schools there too.

Age Forty – When you spend 9 months losing five stone in weight (again), don't stop going to the slimming club. It will all go back on in less time than it took you to lose it.

Present day – accept that all the things that have happened in the past have happened for a reason, and have led you to this point. Sure you could be financially better off, slimmer and have a tidier house; but you aren't and you don't. What you do have is pretty damned good so hold on to it, appreciate it and be happy.

*Name redacted so I don't offend anyone. (Also, this guy wasn't my husband!)

I thought of it first!

Before I start, I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who commented on my last post. I have some ideas now about how to go about finding readers and becoming part of the critiquing world. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Yesterday I was searching through some old writing files for details of a Writers Bureau course I started years ago. (I had thoughts about going back to it, but that's a story for another day). I'm talking about honest-to-goodness paper files here, from before I owned a computer. I was somewhat amused to come across my 'ideas' book. I've had this book since I was in my early teens. Anything that I thought might have the remotest potential has long since been transferred to my computer but I can't bear to throw the book away.

I've copied the following outline exactly as it was written in my book, including punctuation. Bear in mind I was about fifteen years old at the time!

A teenage girl marries. Soon realises it is a disaster. Husband an alcoholic, beats her and often rapes her. Eventually at 18, she gets pregnant. Final straw when he pushes her down the stairs in a drunken fit, causing her to miscarry – a fact she doesn't discover until later – she butchers him up with a carving knife, leaves him for dead, takes the car and starts a new life. 10 years later she's remarried and has twins. A man starts following her. It is her husband who wasn't dead after all – he' s tracked her down and he wants revenge for the stabbing which has left him in a terrible way. Her life is in danger when he kidnaps her daughter in an attempt to lure her to her death – then they fall for each other all over again.

I'll be honest here. I seriously considered omitting that last line from this post, I was so embarrassed by it.

then they fall for each other all over again.

I don't know what I was thinking when I decided that was a good ending. It's probably safe to say that these days no writer would think of ending this type of story like that, and if they did, no agent or editor would accept it.

(I was amused by the fact that whilst completely avoiding the issue of accidental bigamy, or any mention of her new husband, I deemed it important that she 'takes the car').

The reason I'm posting this today (apart from the obvious chance to give you all a nervous giggle at the insight into my teenage mind), is because underneath all the melodrama and plot holes I think that I had the tiniest seed of a good idea back in the 1980's. Hollywood must have agreed with me. Sleeping with the Enemy anyone? I remember the first time I saw the film. I told anyone who would listen (and a few more who wouldn't) how that was my idea and the success of the film obviously proved that if only I had written it, it would have been a best-seller. Obviously. Never mind the fact that I'm not Julia Roberts, not to mention a dozen other reasons why my assertion was wrong. You know what the biggest reason was? Yes of course you do. I didn't write a word of the damn thing. Ideas are easy. I've got loads of 'em. Some of them are even good; but they're not worth a bean until they become part of an interesting plot with well drawn characters. Almost three decades later, that's the part I'm still working on. (I also know now that two people can have the same idea and produce two totally different stories).

Did any of you ever have an idea that you thought was great, only to see it turn up later somewhere else?

What failing has taught me

I originally titled this post 'What failure has taught me'. I changed it because, in my mind (and this is just my thoughts, not a literal definition!), 'Failure' is what you are, whilst 'failing' is what you did. To put it another way: When Diva and Blue were little, if one did something daft and the other called her 'stupid' I would always correct them by saying 'what she did was stupid but she isn't stupid'. It took a while for them to understand what I meant but they got there eventually. Of course these days they call each other far worse but unless there are actual offensive and/or swearwords involved I let them get on with it. Indeed, some insults that teenagers come up with can be quite inventive. It was important to me that they learned the difference between what a person is and what they do. I grew up being told often that I was stupid and that sense of failure never quite leaves you. Thankfully that's not something that affects my girls.

I still haven't read the final draft I submitted to the competition. I will one day because the changes that Techno suggested are good ones and I think it could turn out to be a great short story. I'm just not ready yet. The whole experience has taught me something important though and it's that if I'm not totally convinced that there is nothing I can do to improve my story then I'm not going to submit it anywhere. Of course that's different to being convinced that the story is perfect, but I'm pretty sure you understand what I mean. One of the many reasons that I write is because it makes me feel good. Why do I want to replace that with a feeling that I let myself down? The old adage is true 'You never get a second chance to create a first impression'. The first impression I gave the people judging this competition (in my opinion, I haven't actually asked them, obviously!) is that whilst I might have some talent as a storyteller I fail in the execution of detail and presentation. This last is particularly annoying as the one thing I pride myself on is presentation. It's the one area where I have total control. I can't guarantee that someone will like my work but I can guarantee that it's spelt correctly and that I've used words that mean what I think they mean (wear and where, anybody?).

I'm very lucky in that the people who now have this less than stellar impression of me are people who (hopefully) I'm not going to come across again in the course of my writing career – unless of course I go to work for Alibi TV in which case I'll just change my name – but imagine that was an editor, or agent. Realistically, they wouldn't remember me if I chose to send them something in six months time, but the fact is I would always wonder and because of that I probably wouldn't send them anything. This industry is difficult enough without shooting yourself in the foot.

I'm not a failure, I failed. I'll fail again. Next time, I won't be the one who engineers it.

How not to win a writing competition

20 easy steps to guarantee failure.

1. Find out about a competition ten days before the closing date and convince yourself that you can produce something of a high enough standard to enter, even though you rarely write short stories because you have trouble with the 'short' part.

2. Spend the next five days writing your story, even though you're not one hundred percent sure that you've managed to interpret one of the required elements correctly. Edit and re-edit until you've made it as tight as you possibly can.

3. Congratulate yourself on being 1000 words below the required maximum word length.

4. Re-read the rules and discover that you're 1500 words over the maximum word length.

5. Spend four days trying to reduce the word-count without destroying the original story.

6. Read the finished story immediately because you don't have time to let it sit like you'd planned. Realise that you now have something so flat that it reads like an example on a 'how not to write' blog.

7. Read it to your beloved partner, even though he has a history of sending you back to the drawing board, because you need another opinion and he's the only one around.

8. Listen to, and agree with, his suggestions which involve you going back to the drawing board.

9. Struggle with writing a new opening. Write a rubbish one for now just so you can continue. Realise 1000 words into your new effort that you're boring yourself. Screw up latest effort and throw it across the room.

10. Go to bed.

11. Wake up the day before the competition deadline determined to get this right. Spend the day making some progress, realise that you're going to be working late into the night.

12. Spend the evening watching DVDs with your daughters because they came home a day early after being away for a week and they want to spend time with you. Go to bed late.

13. Set your alarm clock for 9am. Dream that your competition entry should have been posted instead of submitted online so that when your alarm goes off you think you've missed the deadline. Go back to sleep.

14. Jump out of bed in a panic at 10.30am, realise that you have no time to finish your rewrite.

15. Have a quick read through of your original entry. Decide that it would sound better in present tense. Rewrite and do a quick spell check. Realise you have 15 minutes to deadline, so submit story without even a read through.

16. Be too ashamed to read it back even after it has been been submitted as you know there are formatting errors, and probably a ton of typos, and it's too late to do anything about it.

17. Resolve never ever to submit anything to a competition again that you are not proud of, and thank the writing deity of your choice that no-one, except the judges, will ever read what you wrote.

18. Hope that the judges of a competition for a TV station will never judge any other writing competitions and be glad that you don't have an unusual name that would stick in a judge's mind.

19. Make a note to check the competition website on June 1^st to read the three that did actually make the short-list.

20. Go and work on your novel.

Something borrowed, something blue....

I'll start with the blue. That's the air around me right now. I thought my competition short story was pretty much done. At 4,000 words it was well within the 2,500 - 5,000 required range. All that was left was one more edit after letting it sit for a few days. So you can imagine my reaction when a quick double check of the rules revealed that the word count is actually 1,000 - 2,500. D'oh! I don't know how I managed to make that mistake, all I know is that my every-word-counts story has got to be butchered.

While I'm working on that I leave you with something borrowed from another site. Although this particular letter is aimed at bureaucrats rather than writers, I think there are reminders there to all of us who have anything to do with writing.

I love this site. If you click on the archives tab you can find letters listed by the writer's name or type - including authors - as well as other categories. Each letter is transcribed below its original copy so remember to scroll down if you can't read the original.

Spare a thought for me murdering my darlings today, at least 1,500 of 'em!