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Friday, March 9, 2012

Campaign Challenge 2

There will be a special edition of Musical Stories tomorrow morning, but I'm sneaking another extra post in this week, for the Campaigner Challenge.

I found this one very difficult, but I was determined to complete it. The original story was written very quickly - reducing it from 1100 words to less than 200, took hours!

I've used all five prompts in the following story, which is 199 words. For an added challenge it's the dystopian genre, which is new to me. (Although to be fair I couldn't come up with a story in any of my usual genres that the prompts would lend themselves to).

Also as an additional challenge I'm happy for anyone to offer any constructive criticism that would help me to improve. To be honest, I think the story has lost something in the word reduction, but rules are rules :-)

ETA: Forgot to add the link to Rachael's page, where you can view the prompts.
(I'm number 93)


Pure
He was obviously privileged, judging from his scarlet coat. Seeing him, after passing kids scrabbling through trash, made me want to scream.

Distraction made me careless so, when the flash came, I was flung off the bridge. I wasn't injured but I needed to get out of the water quickly. I swam to the support and climbed. The boy was there.
“Are you hurt?” I asked.
He pointed to a gash on his leg, nothing serious.
“Where do you live?”
“Nowhere. Men came and took Nana, 'cause she's a creator. I hid, but then I got lonely.”

The cabal. Because of them, the few remaining water creators were hidden, only helping family or the wealthy. The rest of us drank the stuff the daily flashes poisoned.

At home, after I'd cleaned his leg, he wanted water.
“Sorry kid.”
He grinned then grabbed an arid pear, balancing it on a wooden spoon.

As I stared, the pear vanished and a spray of pure water shot across the room.
“You're a creator? How? You're a kid.”
He shrugged.

The world was saved. I'd take him to the authorities, they could find others.

But what if they didn't?

I had water now.  

64 comments:

  1. You hit all the prompts - good stuff!

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  2. Yup, even if one of them sounds like it's been shoved in with a shoehorn now :-)

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  3. That was fun to read, thank you!

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    1. You're very welcome. Glad you liked it :-)

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  4. Well done! I've still got to do mine, and I'm thinking sooooo hard. It's not an easy one either so double well done to you. I've awarded you the Sunshine Award - you can pick it up at my blog :-)

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    1. Thank you so much for the award Susan, it's a lovely one.

      I have to say, I really enjoyed your challenge entry - loved the ending :-)

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  5. Cool world building. Not an easy task too. Great job!

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  6. I was hooked from the start. Interesting world. Great piece Sarah.

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  7. Wow! You packed a lot in there! Very nice job!

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  8. Wow. Well done, Sarah. I got the whole story in just those few words. And in this time when water is becoming more scarce...

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    1. I know. I'd like to think we'll never run out of water, but ...

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  9. Great job, hitting all the prompts. Did you consider a poem? Try it? Or not at all?

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    1. I did try, but the best I can do is nonsensical doggerel :-)

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  10. interesting world. I wonder what he decided to do. Keep the water creator or take him somewhere he could help?

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    1. If I was carrying on, he'd definitely keep him, at least to start. Then I guess, somehow, he'd have to redeem himself :-)

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  11. Great job, Sarah. I love how you used the pear, turning it into water. I wonder what he does with the creator.

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  12. Wow! Really awesome how you included all the prompts! Very well done, enjoyed this.

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    1. Thank you so much. It was a tough one!

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  13. That was really cool! I loved that! great job :)

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  14. Yes, I agree with everyone else... wonderful job! And nice prompt use-age ;)

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    1. Thank you, although some of the prompts made slightly less sense to the story in the final cut :-)

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  15. You did a great job - and used all the prompts!

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    1. Thanks Mish, yeah, I just squeezed them all in!

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  16. Replies
    1. I must have admit, they've gone into my 'random characters' file :-)

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  17. How unfortunate for me.
    I had missed the campaign train when it arrived, the beginning of the year was a very tumultuous time, but I guess I can still participate as a comment apparition if anything.
    I thought this post was very cool, especially with the inadvertent world building-- although I guess any fantasy element is essentially inadvertent world building.
    Good job.
    Do these water creators also have a say on the vitamin-C content in fruits in general, or just pears(since vitamin-c is water-soluble)?
    Just joking.
    Good job again(i'm shutting up now).

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    1. Hi there, and welcome to you. Yes, any world building was definitely inadvertent!

      Your vitamin c comment made me smile - and I didn't know it was water soluble. Blogging, entertaining AND educational. Nice one :-)

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  18. Nicely done! I love how many different stories have come from the same prompts. Excellent choice on dystopian too :)

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    1. I know, I think there's been more variety this time round than there was in the first challenge.

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  19. I love that you included all of the prompts! And you melded them together so seamlessly, one after the other. :)

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    1. Thanks Birdie, I thought the first couple were a bit heavy fisted - they lost a bit in the word cull :-)

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  20. Very cool! I'd love to see the longer version too. :)

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    1. I might post it up on a different page sometime. Thanks Cherie :-)

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  21. Dang! I want to read more. Well done.

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    1. If I thought I could create more of a plot, I might write more too :-)

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  22. I always enjoy reading your writings.. nice.

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  23. Really great, Sarah! In such few words I was pulled right into your story.

    Jenny @ Pearson Report
    Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z

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    1. Thanks Jenny, that's great to hear :-)

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  24. This is so amazing. Those were some tricky prompts, but you totally nailed them all. What a fascinating world, too. I would love to read the whole novel if you ever decide to flesh this out.

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    1. That's a lovely thing to say, thanks Shell :-)

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  25. Very good. You have a nice style with your words. Can't wait to see more of your work.

    BTW, glad to see you got your email widget going. I've already signed up.

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    1. Yay, you know I put it up especially for you :-)

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  26. I enjoyed this entry! I wonder if she will keep the boy who is a creator for herself or whether she will give him up to the authorities?

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    1. Well, right now he's keeping the boy but if I were to continue, he'd probably do the 'right' thing - whatever that is :-)

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  27. Creators, huh? You've got yourself a really cool premise there. Enjoyed it immensely. Nice one! :)

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  28. Great job whittling the story down and still keeping it intact. I too would love to read the whole version.

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    1. I'll definitely post it somewhere - maybe on a slow blog day :-)

      Thank you for the visit :-)

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  29. I like how you used the prompts. Interesting how you took water, something we take for granted today, and made it a rare commodity in your dystopian piece.

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    1. Aye, it's the one thing we'll never be able to do without :-)

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  30. Well, I'm back again. This time to let you know you've been shortlisted as one of the top five to move on to Stage Two. (The semi-finals will be Stage Three and the finals will be Stage Four.) Congratulations :-)

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  31. Wow! How did I miss this last night? Thanks so much for the news Susan.

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  32. Your story definitely still holds together and you've created an intriguing world. I thought it was tough cutting mine from 300, but 1100?! Crikey!

    I like the idea of water creators. And it's just become topical with the hosepipe ban! This could be the start of a great book.

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  33. Thanks Nick. I've just started sketching out a few ideas, seeing if there's enough in my head to write a whole story :-)

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