I found this one very difficult, but I was determined to complete it. The original story was written very quickly - reducing it from 1100 words to less than 200, took hours!
I've used all five prompts in the following story, which is 199 words. For an added challenge it's the dystopian genre, which is new to me. (Although to be fair I couldn't come up with a story in any of my usual genres that the prompts would lend themselves to).
Also as an additional challenge I'm happy for anyone to offer any constructive criticism that would help me to improve. To be honest, I think the story has lost something in the word reduction, but rules are rules :-)
ETA: Forgot to add the link to Rachael's page, where you can view the prompts.
(I'm number 93)
Pure
He was obviously privileged, judging from his scarlet coat. Seeing him, after passing kids scrabbling through trash, made me want to scream.
Distraction made me
careless so, when the flash came, I was flung off the bridge. I
wasn't injured but I needed to get out of the water quickly. I swam
to the support and climbed. The boy was there.
“Are you hurt?” I
asked.
He pointed to a gash on
his leg, nothing serious.
“Where do you
live?”
“Nowhere. Men came
and took Nana, 'cause she's a creator. I hid, but then I got lonely.”
The cabal. Because of
them, the few remaining water creators were hidden, only helping
family or the wealthy. The rest of us drank the stuff the daily
flashes poisoned.
At home, after I'd
cleaned his leg, he wanted water.
“Sorry kid.”
He grinned then grabbed
an arid pear, balancing it on a wooden spoon.
As I stared, the pear
vanished and a spray of pure water shot across the room.
“You're a creator?
How? You're a kid.”
He shrugged.
The world was saved.
I'd take him to the authorities, they could find others.
But what if they
didn't?
I had water now.
You hit all the prompts - good stuff!
ReplyDeleteYup, even if one of them sounds like it's been shoved in with a shoehorn now :-)
ReplyDeleteThat was fun to read, thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome. Glad you liked it :-)
DeleteWell done! I've still got to do mine, and I'm thinking sooooo hard. It's not an easy one either so double well done to you. I've awarded you the Sunshine Award - you can pick it up at my blog :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the award Susan, it's a lovely one.
DeleteI have to say, I really enjoyed your challenge entry - loved the ending :-)
Cool world building. Not an easy task too. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much :-)
DeleteI was hooked from the start. Interesting world. Great piece Sarah.
ReplyDeleteThanks Madeleine, I appreciate that.
DeleteWow! You packed a lot in there! Very nice job!
ReplyDeleteThank you Peggy, glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteWow. Well done, Sarah. I got the whole story in just those few words. And in this time when water is becoming more scarce...
ReplyDeleteI know. I'd like to think we'll never run out of water, but ...
DeleteNicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Randy, I appreciate that.
DeleteGreat job, hitting all the prompts. Did you consider a poem? Try it? Or not at all?
ReplyDeleteI did try, but the best I can do is nonsensical doggerel :-)
Deleteinteresting world. I wonder what he decided to do. Keep the water creator or take him somewhere he could help?
ReplyDeleteIf I was carrying on, he'd definitely keep him, at least to start. Then I guess, somehow, he'd have to redeem himself :-)
DeleteGreat job, Sarah. I love how you used the pear, turning it into water. I wonder what he does with the creator.
ReplyDeleteKeeps him :-)
DeleteWow! Really awesome how you included all the prompts! Very well done, enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It was a tough one!
DeleteThat was really cool! I loved that! great job :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen :-)
DeleteYes, I agree with everyone else... wonderful job! And nice prompt use-age ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you, although some of the prompts made slightly less sense to the story in the final cut :-)
DeleteYou did a great job - and used all the prompts!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mish, yeah, I just squeezed them all in!
DeleteReally enjoyed the read.
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
Thanks Yvonne, I appreciate that :-)
DeleteLove the idea of creators.
ReplyDeleteI must have admit, they've gone into my 'random characters' file :-)
DeleteHow unfortunate for me.
ReplyDeleteI had missed the campaign train when it arrived, the beginning of the year was a very tumultuous time, but I guess I can still participate as a comment apparition if anything.
I thought this post was very cool, especially with the inadvertent world building-- although I guess any fantasy element is essentially inadvertent world building.
Good job.
Do these water creators also have a say on the vitamin-C content in fruits in general, or just pears(since vitamin-c is water-soluble)?
Just joking.
Good job again(i'm shutting up now).
Hi there, and welcome to you. Yes, any world building was definitely inadvertent!
DeleteYour vitamin c comment made me smile - and I didn't know it was water soluble. Blogging, entertaining AND educational. Nice one :-)
Nicely done! I love how many different stories have come from the same prompts. Excellent choice on dystopian too :)
ReplyDeleteI know, I think there's been more variety this time round than there was in the first challenge.
DeleteI love that you included all of the prompts! And you melded them together so seamlessly, one after the other. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Birdie, I thought the first couple were a bit heavy fisted - they lost a bit in the word cull :-)
DeleteVery cool! I'd love to see the longer version too. :)
ReplyDeleteI might post it up on a different page sometime. Thanks Cherie :-)
DeleteDang! I want to read more. Well done.
ReplyDeleteIf I thought I could create more of a plot, I might write more too :-)
DeleteI always enjoy reading your writings.. nice.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Tania :-)
DeleteReally great, Sarah! In such few words I was pulled right into your story.
ReplyDeleteJenny @ Pearson Report
Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
Thanks Jenny, that's great to hear :-)
DeleteThis is so amazing. Those were some tricky prompts, but you totally nailed them all. What a fascinating world, too. I would love to read the whole novel if you ever decide to flesh this out.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lovely thing to say, thanks Shell :-)
DeleteVery good. You have a nice style with your words. Can't wait to see more of your work.
ReplyDeleteBTW, glad to see you got your email widget going. I've already signed up.
Yay, you know I put it up especially for you :-)
DeleteI enjoyed this entry! I wonder if she will keep the boy who is a creator for herself or whether she will give him up to the authorities?
ReplyDeleteWell, right now he's keeping the boy but if I were to continue, he'd probably do the 'right' thing - whatever that is :-)
DeleteCreators, huh? You've got yourself a really cool premise there. Enjoyed it immensely. Nice one! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks David :-)
DeleteGreat job whittling the story down and still keeping it intact. I too would love to read the whole version.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely post it somewhere - maybe on a slow blog day :-)
DeleteThank you for the visit :-)
I like how you used the prompts. Interesting how you took water, something we take for granted today, and made it a rare commodity in your dystopian piece.
ReplyDeleteAye, it's the one thing we'll never be able to do without :-)
DeleteWell, I'm back again. This time to let you know you've been shortlisted as one of the top five to move on to Stage Two. (The semi-finals will be Stage Three and the finals will be Stage Four.) Congratulations :-)
ReplyDeleteWow! How did I miss this last night? Thanks so much for the news Susan.
ReplyDeleteYour story definitely still holds together and you've created an intriguing world. I thought it was tough cutting mine from 300, but 1100?! Crikey!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of water creators. And it's just become topical with the hosepipe ban! This could be the start of a great book.
Thanks Nick. I've just started sketching out a few ideas, seeing if there's enough in my head to write a whole story :-)
ReplyDelete